The Australian who died far from home and family www.theage.com.au By Annabel Crabb 6th February 2005 Paul Pardoel was a talented and courageous airman. The exhilaration of the skies could never match the joy and happy chaos he found in his own home, according to friends who have gathered to remember him. Flight Lieutenant Pardoel, 35, and his wife, Kellie, were due to take their three children home to Australia soon, after completing a short-term contract with the Royal Air Force's Lyneham base, in the English county of Wiltshire.

The unexplained crash of his squadron's Hercules over Iraq a week ago has torn a gaping hole in the air base's community, and left Kellie Merritt with the mantle of Australia's first Iraq service widow. She is grieving in private with her children, Jordan, Jackson and India.

Through a family spokesman, she asked that her thanks be passed on to all who had thought of her family with sympathy in the week since her husband's death.

Friends of her husband have flown from around the world in recent days to comfort her, to meet Flight Lieutenant Pardoel's British friends and remember the man they knew as Pards, or Paulie.

Their memories, compiled as a statement with Ms Merritt's help and released to The Sunday Age with her consent, describe Flight Lieutenant Pardoel as a light-hearted and unflappable mate. He was, they agreed, a gentleman and a proud Australian, and maintained a staunch level of good sportsmanship even when sorely tested by Australia's Rugby World Cup final loss in late 2003; a defeat he endured as the only Australian in a squadron of triumphant Britons.

His prowess as a navigator and instructor was unquestionable, demonstrated consistently throughout 14 years of service to the Royal Australian Air Force and reflected, during his three years with the British forces, in the operational medals he received after Afghanistan and Iraq. However, all of this was secondary to his first passion: his family, his friends said.

Paul and Kellie met and fell in love at an RAAF Summer Ball in Australia and married in November 1995. Their first daughter, Jordan, was born in 1997, son Jackson arrived in 1999 and the youngest, daughter India, was born in Britain two years ago.

Their home, in the heart of Lyneham's close community, quickly became a magnet for new friends. With their warmth and good humour, they always settled easily into any new environment; RAF Lyneham was no exception. The Pardoels lived in what friends recall as joy and happy chaos. Flight Lieutenant Pardoel, his friends recall, was an instinctive and wholehearted father. He had the relaxed easy grace of someone who knew what was important in life, and what wasn't worth worrying about, they said.

The friends said Pards' philosophy for life was reflected in his approach to fatherhood, where he was very much a hands-on and active dad. His endless patience and gentle encouragement was a direct result of the pure joy he got from Jordie, Jackson and India. Kellie and their children were the centre of his world. Between them, Paul and Kellie created a wonderful family.

Ms Merritt's parents are also in Lyneham, and several of her Sydney friends are expected in coming days. The Lyneham community itself is in deep mourning; seven of Flight Lieutenant Pardoels' colleagues and two other British servicemen were killed in last week's crash, the cause of which is yet to be established.

A private memorial service was held on Friday for the widows and families of those killed. Flight Lieutenant Pardoel's funeral is likely to be held in Canberra at a date to be decided. The impact of his sad and terrible loss has devastated a close and loving family, the tribute from his friends concludes: "We will always miss his smile."

With special thanks to Annabel Crabb, (Sydney Morning Herald/ The Age) who we met on the morning the names of the Hercules crew were to be named.